Day 161

Day 161 of  The Red Shoe Project is a reminder that:  Some doors are not meant to be opened! 

Late last night, I kicked off my RED shoes, wanting to wind down and ready myself for bed.  It was a challenging day and I was wanting to feel sorry for myself.  Hey!  this dying to self stuff is not easy!!!   But...

 "Dying to self"  

makes no room for

  "feeling sorry for self."  

My flesh was screaming out... "Doesn't this count for anything?"  I don't think anyone could hear that cry, but me.  And I should have been selective in my hearing and ignored the whole darn conversation.  The goal is to rid myself of that ugly flesh, not feel bad for it's death.

Yes... I made a mistake.  I might as well put it right up front and out in the open.  After listening a bit too long to that wining spirit, I made the mistake of chatting with a friend.  "Oh... I'm not feeling so good about how I'm looking these days!" I said.  NO!  There it was... delivered right to her door:

 An invitation for a pity party.  

Right as the words were coming off my lips, I realized what I'd done.  Did you ever want to reach out and grab the words before they reached the receiver's ears?  Too late!  The receiver immediately jumped on my case.  "Well... you know, if you'd just get a real job, you'd have money to take care of yourself... you'd be in the gym,  you'd be at the beauty parlor, you'd be out shopping for more fashionable clothes, bags and shoes... you could even, maybe, afford to get a little work done, (she was referring to cosmetic surgery). Your first impression is important.  Image counts!"

Oh my gosh... what had I done?  I was just hoping for a hug and a prayer... not an onslaught of negativity, all dished out just for me.  Evidently I had chosen the wrong person to vent with.  Truth is, I didn't even want to vent.  I'm not sure what I wanted, but this wasn't it!  It was like those overgrown vines in my back yard.  They were reaching to grab a hold of me and take me down... take claim of me and my life!  Yikes!

Fortunately, I was able to quickly proclaim that I was just having a "moment" of weakness, and somehow I managed to change the conversation without any push back.  Ahhhhhhhhh.  Saved! 

Today while taking a long walk in my RED sneakers, the Lord talked to me about that.
Dying to self is a painful process.
It's supposed to be that way.  It's not fun.  It's not funny.  It's not happy.  It doesn't feel good.  It's painful!  You're mourning the death of your flesh!
I remembered that old saying,
"No pain, No gain!"
(I thought that was only for diets and exercise.) 

Here's what John the Baptist said: 

"He must become greater. 

 I must become less."

John 3:30

A good friend describes it this way:

"Just Surrender!"

In this case,  "Surrender"  means

 to give up and let go of  My way 

and embrace  His way.

Sounds so easy.   It's not!

But I'm motivated!  You know why?  Because God told me that if I'd just die to self,  He'd send a lot more opportunities for salvation my way.  He wants to use me to lead others to Him!   ...but I'm in the way.  Yeah, that's not good.  I'm going to have to work on that.  We're going to have to work on that!

 More of Him, Less of Me!  

In time, I'll get this.
Gail

Day 160

Believe it or not, Day 160 of  The Red Shoe Project finds me packing for a missions trip to Bulgaria.  

• Clothing (check)
• Toiletries (check)
• Camera (check)
• Passport (check)
• RED shoes (check)

Plane tickets?.... well, not quite yet.  

I was so sure that God had set me up to attend this trip, but a couple key requirements, like money and plane tickets,  have still not surfaced.  God always seems to provide for things like this right at the last minute.  He refers to it as "right on time." 

I know.  I know.  This isn't quite how I'd do it,  or how I like it,  but I'm a mere a "follower"  these days.  If God wants me on that trip,  He'll provide and He'll make a way.  There's still time for that!  The door isn't fully closed -- It's not over yet.  And until it is,  I'm planning on going.  The cut off date is long gone, but by tomorrow evening, I'll either have those tickets in hand, or I'll be unpacking and re-hanging my clothes.

My daughter says...  "The great thing about faith is when you believe and it happens, it's a party, and if it doesn't, it's okay.  All that matters at the end of the day is that you're still walking with Jesus!

It would be so easy to just write this trip off,  forget about it and put it to rest.  But no... God has been pounding me with words - "to BELIEVE"  - right and left.  Everywhere I look, I see the word -- BELIEVE.    Every scripture, every song, every saying that has anything to do with BELIEVING has been right in front of me, everywhere I go.  It's bigger than life,  in bold print,  highlighted,  louder than loud... it's right in my face.

Believe means to NOT DOUBT.

          
Have I believed hard enough for this?  I don't know.  I'm reminded of Mark 9:24b...

"I do believe; 

help me overcome my unbelief!"

Tonight, my RED shoes are lined up next to my suitcase.  They will be the last thing to be packed.  I'm still BELIEVING God for this.  And if His plan is different, no worries,
I'll chalk it up as a mistake on my part, and move on with Him.  Either way,
I'm not letting go of His hand and He's not letting go of mine!

Gail

Day 159

Day 159 of  The Red Shoe Project included a morning of yard work.  Yuk!  I hate yard work!  But sometimes it just has to be done.  So I put on some old work clothes, a pair of gardening gloves, my RED sneakers and reluctantly headed outdoors.  It's been raining for several days.  There are branches that need to be gathered up so that the trash man can take them away.


It seemed like a small job at first... that was until I ventured into the backyard.  I discovered several tree limbs down, dead sticks all over the place, and some overgrown bushes that needed trimming.  I hate to admit it, but none of these things have anything to do with all the rain we've been having.  My back yard has been neglected and I'm afraid it's caught up with me.

"Neglected" means I haven't paid proper attention to my backyard.  I've forgotten about it and haven't taken proper care of it.


It's funny how God speaks to me through yard work.  I hate when He does that!!!   LOL.
He certainly has a sense of humor.  God's lessons
can be found in the most bizarre places!  As sweat was pouring off my brow, I was wandering around my yard, bent over, and picking up sticks and old dead tree branches.  They were all over the place.
I must have filled two big containers with them.



One time, as I bent over to pick up a stick, I noticed there was some sort of vine wrapped around it.  When I pulled the stick toward me, I'm sure the vine pulled it back.  I tugged back and forth a few times, and even still, the stick was stuck.  That nasty vine just wouldn't let go.  Really?  My brain flashed back to an old Batman movie featuring the villainess, Poison Ivy.  (Isn't ivy a vine?)   I wondered how much ivy was growing in my back yard?  Did I need a rescue squad to come in and free all this dead wood?  LOL.  I took a closer look.  One of the vines must have been ten feet long, and that's just the part that I could see.  It was all over the place... intertwined within trees and bushes,  wrapped around sticks, hidden under leaves.  God only knows how extensive it really is.


Right there, amongst that mess in my backyard,  God decided to speak.  He told me that when we neglect areas of our lives -- when we don't check in on how we're doing,  when we let those little things go and don't deal with them -- temptation and sin creep in.  They move in and latch onto things, entangling themselves amongst everything, trying to set up permanent residence in our lives. You don't even realize that they're there, but when you go to move... like that stick,  it's got a hold of you.  And it's not so easy to get loose!

Sin is like that...  so is unforgiveness,  not to mention lying.  And I'm sure I could think of countless other examples.  Now there's something to ponder awhile.  Are there any spiritual matters in my life not being attended to?  Hmmm.   If so, I better get to them right away!  

I'm glad the yard work is over.  It's raining again, and I'm thinking that I may need to invest in a nice pair of RED rubber boots,  something that's good for the rain and for gardening.  LOL!

Gail

Day 158

Day 158 of  The Red Shoe Project  has me in RED shoes and getting back into the routine of things.  Prayer, dog walking, reading, errands, emails, office work, exercise and writing... the list goes on.

A "routine" is a sequence of actions regularly followed, a fixed program.

I love when I get into an established routine because it usually allows me to get a lot of things done, otherwise the whole day can fly by and nothing gets accomplished... that's not so good.  But my heart is a little heavy today.  I'm yearning to be closer to Him.  I want to push everything aside and  move into that secret place... that place of intimacy with Christ.

"Let me in!

Let me in!"

my heart cries out.

"Please...

let me come close."

I don't really want a routine today... at least not a routine filled with a bunch of "stuff," -- filler,  non-essential happenings,  empty tasks that don't really matter.    I don't want to wrap my time up with a lot of useless doings that take me away from Him any longer than necessary.

 Today I just want Him.  I want more.  I want to be in His presence.  I want to hear His voice.  I want to sense His touch.  I want to know His heart.  I just want to receive all I can from Him.

Funny thing is, I've noticed that so often, when I'm doing things -- random things -- routine things... well, that's when He comes along and drops a word in my heart, puts a song on my lips, opens my eyes to His perspective.  That's when opportunities arise to work in partnership with Him, or to be used by Him for some wonderful cause.  That's when He teaches me some of the greatest lessons,  not to mention it's when I get to practice what He's teaching me.  When I'm out and about, that's when He brings people my way -- people who speak into my life, and people whose life I can speak into.

I guess today was a  "Close in with Him Day"  sprinkled with a little "routine."  That worked!  God only  knows what tomorrow holds.  Either way, I'll be wearing my Ruby Reds!

Gail