Day 89

Day 89 of  The Red Shoe project found me in RED shoes and continuing to ponder the question:  

"But Do You Know God?"

Like many of you, I smile from ear to ear... " as I think of the goodness of Jesus and all He has done for me.  My very heart cries out "Hallelujah!"  Praise God for saving me!"

Of course I know God.  I read the Bible continuously and am more than aware of His Story.  On many occasions I have seen "The Passion of the Christ" and understand the price He paid for me.  I've said "The Prayer" and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior.  I've been redeemed!  I'm born-again.  My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life!  I pray daily... not to mention that I've given my life to serve Him and the passion of my heart is to help others make that Divine Connection as well!

"But Do I Know God?"

That question keeps going through my mind.  It sounds so simple, yet it's proving itself to be quite profound.  What!  Why is it that I can't seem to let go of this? My spirit has become entangled, forcing me to pick it apart, separate the knots, and get to the heart of the matter.  

 I find myself distraught that I can't seem to shed the fact that more often than not my prayer time has become a "Honey Do List."  "Jesus, provide for this."  "Jesus, provide for that."  "Refresh me, oh Lord!"  "Pour your Spirit out upon me!"  "Cleanse me from sin."  "Guide me this day."  "Show me the way."  "Heal me of this ailment." "Help me oh God!" "Lord, I want more!"  

Yes, there are times of thanksgiving and praise.  And I know that God loves to help me.  But I'm grieved that my time in prayer is so much about ME, and so little about Him.  I  never really took notice of it before, but I don't give Him much of a chance to speak.  I rarely ask, "What do you think?"  "What would you like to do today?"  "What's on your mind?"  Come to think of it... I don't even let Him lead the prayer time.  There's something not quite right about that!

To "linger" means to stay in a place longer than necessary, 

typically because of reluctance to leave.  

To be slow to disappear.

I think I need to "linger" more.  I'm starting to think that all those people dancing at the altar are much more on track than I have given them credit for.  After all, there they are, (before the service even starts, and well after it's over),  hands lifted up, praising God, waving their arms, dancing in joy before the Lord. No real agenda.  Just spending time in His presence, having fun, and telling Him how much they love him.  

I have this picture stuck in my mind.  The King is holding a celebration.  The pharisees of the day have come and presented a perfect program... structured, but nice all the same, and left.  Meanwhile everyone else continues to enjoy the party.  Some are sitting, while others are singing, dancing, and giving glory to His Majesty on High. The King is smiling and totally enjoying their presence.  In fact, He gets up and moves amongst them... touching this one, whispering in the ear of that one, hugging another,  talking one-on-one with many and even presenting some with gifts.  So where am I in all this?  Am I one of the last to leave?  or have I taken off early with the others?  Just a thought.  The choice is mine.  

What's really strange is that the ones who left early... well, they look so important.  They are so very serious, and as I look closer, they seem somewhat withered and dry, some even joyless.  Perhaps they are the Marthas of the court? The ones who do, do, do, and miss out on a deeper experience with Him.

Well I don't want to be a Martha!  I want to be a Mary.  I want to sit at His feet and get to know Him.  I want to know what He thinks.  I want to understand His heart.  I want to enjoy His presence.  Not because I've read about Him, but because I've been with Him... because I stuck around long enough and consistently enough for Him to speak to me.

As I head back home, this girl in RED shoes, has a new perspective on things. It's a new season... one of relinquishing the lead to whom it rightfully belongs, and of focusing on listening, lingering and maybe even laughing a little.

That I Might Know God,

Gail

Day 88

Day 88 of  The Red Shoe Project has me packing my bags, popping on my RED shoes and fleeing to a quieter place for a few days.  From the moment I awoke, I sensed God's desire to talk to me about some "heavy" matters, so I've taken my own advice and removed the distractions so that I can give Him my full attention.

Recently, I have conversed with several friends, all of whom are facing significant challenges in life.  They are "holding on to God" yet, something is bothering me.  I don't see evidence of the Power of God at work in their lives. Where is He?  Where is His handiwork?  What's the matter?  What's going on?  I can't understand why all these seasoned Women of God are floundering in their faith. Perhaps floundering is the wrong word.  They are by no means denying God.  And I have no doubts whatsoever that they love God with all their hearts. But it seems that they are just settling for things as they are, instead of commanding things to move into the position that they ought to be in.  Perhaps I am frustrated because my life is not so different?

Where are the Women Warriors of God?  

The women who don't settle, but instead wrestle it out like Jacob did shouting,

"I won't let go until you bless me!"

My friends are all wonderful Women of God. They are my comrades in the faith.  I know their hearts!  So what's up?  Could this perhaps be God's way of blowing the trumpet for us to get our battle gear on, line up in formation, and move out... take the plunge... and go deeper?

Last night I stumbled upon an interesting video clip. A minister was talking about students that were coming to him, inquiring about ministry positions. When he asked them what their qualifications were for ministry, they responded with all sorts of answers.  There were great accomplishments, missions trips, quality schooling, books read, and degrees achieved. Then He asks them, 

"But do you know God?"

As he talked further with them, he was astonished at their lack of prayer.  He was accustomed to spending hours a day in prayer, and none of them even showed promise in that area.  It got me to thinking... What does a man do when he spends four or five hours in prayer?  

The other day I asked God to show me what He sees, and allow me to feel what His heart feels. After writing several nice little blogs on Hearing from God... do you know what He said to me today?

"It grieves me that most Christians 
don't spend much time with me".

So I asked God what we could possibly talk about for four or five hours?  I don't know if I could fill up that amount of time. Although, now that I think about it, I went with a friend once on a four hour road trip, and we had no problem talking straight through the entire trip. And when I get together will my girlfriend for coffee, we have no problem talking for hours.  Hmmmm.

He told me that I could tell Him about all the people I know and about the needs they have....that I could talk to Him about their problems and ask Him to help.  I wonder how many times I've talked to people on the phone about problems or situations... for hours even, only to follow it up with a five minute prayer to God, on the matter?  Does something about that seem backwards to you?  Hmmmmm.

So I've decided to do just that... Talk to God about my friends, and about their needs... asking Him to help them, to step in, to touch them,  refresh them,  restore them, to let them sense His presence in a greater way, to provide for them, to bring deliverance where it's needed, to heal, and to help them be able to receive from Him.

Yes... I've put my everyday routine aside... to intercede for my friends...  to figure this thing out for myself... to become the Woman Warrior of God I'm destined to be.  I can't settle anymore!  I wont! And I'm hoping that I won't have to make this journey alone.  I hope some of you, who are tired accepting things as they are, will throw on your RED shoes and get back in the fight. -- The fight to make a difference! -- The fight to be all you can be for God!  The fight to KNOW Him in a greater way!  

If we're honest, we know that something's missing.  We don't know Him as we should... as we could. We've become comfortable.  Other things have snuck in.  Our daily calendars are filled with lots of things that take up our time, and not enough of our time is invested with God.  If you get right down to the heart of it... Only time with God will manifest the changes that are needed... both in us personally, as well as in the situations that confound us.

 Make no mistake, it will take a fight, a struggle, a wrestling... with our flesh.  Our flesh hates this kind of change!  The devil hates it!  It costs us something. It's anything but convenient. And it seems a lot of work...  for what? 

To know God.  To see the Power of God manifested in our lives.  To be in true Divine Partnership with Him.  Not just in words, but in reality.  Yes... it's by faith... it starts by choosing to believe... but as we act on our faith, and jump into the fight,  God will manifest the promises He's made to us.  I want nothing less!  What about you?

Call me a crusader, if you will, but I'm kicking off my RED shoes,  falling to my knees, and staying there.  That's a requirement for God's army that I'll learn, if it's the last thing I do!

Gail

Day 87

I spent the morning of Day 87 of The Red Shoe Project at my church, in RED shoes, talking with a handful of friends about "Hearing God's Voice."  I love this particular discussion group, because the participants are all eager to connect with The Living God!  They have spent the last eight weeks  looking and listening, researching and seeking.  Now many of them attempting to enter into that Divine Partnership with Him.  They are not quite sure how to...  but they are determined!  They are listening for His voice.  And many are entering into conversation with Him and asking Him to be a part of their lives!

I've come to realize lately that the Depth of 

God's Desire to connect with us

 is so much greater than I ever understood it to be.  

God's LOVE for us is so magnificent  

that it draws us to Him like a magnet. 

He wants a relationship with us 

(more than we can comprehend)  

and He'll move mountains to help that to happen.

As morning turned into afternoon, I was found in RED shoes at the coffee shop, sipping on something warm and sharing back and forth, with a friend, testimonies of what God is doing in our lives.  I always find this to be a powerfully uplifting time in my week. Proverbs 27:17 says,

 "As iron sharpens iron, 

so a friend sharpens another."

Mid-afternoon, we both headed out, in RED shoes, to visit a dear friend.  Unfortunately in Life, everyone isn't UP at the same time, and we are committed to loving and lifting up our sister in prayer as challenges present themselves to her on all fronts. 

I love that word, "UNDERGIRD."  

It means to support, strengthen and hold up. 

We listened, laid hands on her, and prayed for renewed strength from above.  Even after I left, I found myself continually presenting her to God in prayer, reminding Him that I love her and that she needs extra from Him right now.  What a powerful thing it is for friends to lift up one another in continued prayer.  It's so easy not to do that... and then what... nothing - that's what.  Talking about it with one another does little to nothing.  Talking about it with God -- now that's a different story! Invite God into the conversation and HOPE moves in.  

I found myself heading to the prayer closet for much of the evening. Off came my RED shoes, and on went the RED socks.  I'm treasuring my alone time with God.  As I worship Him, as I read His Word, as I talk about the details of life with Him,  I'm reminded that He loves this time as much as I do.  That is so powerfully comforting.  Well, His nickname is The Comforter.

Good night for now, 

Gail

Day 86

Day 86 of The Red Shoe Project was a day in bold, fire engine RED,  patent leather pumps.  And looking back now, on the entire day, it was the perfect shoe choice!

 

Last night was a late night writing.  I didn't get to bed til 3:30. My alarm was buzzing a few hours later, as I jumped into my black corporate suit and RED shoes, and headed out the door at 7:15 for a hospital board meeting. Yikes! 

 That's a little early for me these days, but I was wide awake and listened to a CD on Kingdom Giving that was powerfully eye-opening! For some time

now, God has been doing a deep work in me regarding  "M O N E Y"  

That's an all-inclusive term that umbrellas  finances,  spending, investing, philanthropy, generosity, funding, living by faith, and overall giving.  He's showing me His Way vs. My Way.   I'll just say this... The two are quite different.   

I find the whole thing very interesting, but it's like a big piece of choice steak. It's taking me some time to chew it, savor it, and digest it, if you know what I mean.

I don't overly enjoy driving, however, long, quiet rides in the car is a frequent meeting place for me with God... and well, I love that!  

After several meetings and appointments, I headed home and made a quick stop at my favorite little bookstore,  just to see if they had any "treasures."  Yup... I picked myself up powerful book entitled, Prayer on Fire by Fred A. Hartley III.  Just a little treat for me.  I was really tired and looked forward to getting home, throwing on some sweats and curling up on my bed with this book. I decided last minute to pop on the headphones and listen to some worship music as well. What a glorious afternoon in His Presence.  The hours flew by... five of them to be exact.  I rested and God restored me on many levels. We had lovely afternoon together.

The FIRE of God is quite an interesting subject for study.  I have found it to be a significant piece of what's turning out to be an unexpected, intimate romance with The King.  I say that ever so humbly, because what started out to be a mere  "project" of sorts has projected me into a divine dimension of grace that I never knew existed.  It's so deep... so personal... It's rather difficult to put into words, let alone write about it in a blog.  But I have committed to write an honest, daily report of this Red Shoe Project and it would be wrong to omit it entirely.  

You see,  it is an awesome thing to find yourself continually in The Presence of God, but it comes with a price.  The Lord is a Consuming Fire.  The closer you get...  He'll slowly burn away  everything that's unholy.  You think... 

"Great!  That's a good thing.  If He asks me about this, or about that... or even about that thing... I've got all those taken care of now.  My life is in order."   But no... He doesn't ask about any of those things.

Instead, when you're in deep... in that secret place you grow to love so much...  He ever so gently zeros right in on THAT THING.  The thing you totally forgot about. The thing you didn't think was A THING.  The thing that you locked away in the deepest place of your heart, knowing it would never, ever re-surface again. Yeh... that thing.  He brings you right to it.  Could He really require THAT of me?  Oh... so that's what it felt like when He asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac.   THAT thing is My Isaac... and He's asking me to sacrifice it.  Really?  Woe!!!!!  That's heavy duty!  

Almost every morning I wake up to that big sign on my wall that says: 

"B E L I E V E !" 

The Lord continually asks me... "Will you BELIEVE?"  And I always respond, "Of course...  I will BELIEVE you for anything!"  But now, three months into this project,  He's saying...

 "Will you BELIEVE me for THAT?  

Will you trust me?"

Isn't there another deal we can make? Why does it have to be THAT? Can't You test me on all those other things that I have in order first?  And then, maybe later on... in a few months or so, come back to THAT?

 How can I even contemplate saying,  "No... I can't' BELIEVE you for THAT!"  I'm already so far beyond the point of no return.  "No" isn't an option any more.  And I refuse say it!  I won't! I can't!  It's going to have to be... 

"Yes Lord...  I will trust you.  

I choose to Believe.  

Just help my unbelief."

Please don't think for a moment that this is easy, because it's not.  It's a difficult price to pay.  Your heart says, "YES. YES."  Your flesh says,  "NO.  NO."  

I wrote a book once.  It's called The Yellow Brick Road: A Woman's Journey to the Edge and Back.  It's about almost falling off the edge and miraculously, by the Grace of God, making it back.  This Red Shoe Project is a new story about going to the edge... a different edge...  and jumping into the Ocean of Glory. There's no fear.  And there's no coming back.  You don't want to come back. 

Does the Lord require this of everyone?  I don't know.  I only know what He's requiring of me.  And I choose YES!  I get to wear my RED shoes. And I get to rest my head on the chest of God, where I can hear the beat of His heart.  I long to go even deeper... to feel what He feels... to see what He sees... to love what He loves.  Yeh... I do know what I'm asking, and I can't believe that I'm asking it.  But that's what lies beyond the Ocean of Glory.  

So that was my day.  Heavy duty, but gloriously awesome!  It's back to The Yellow Brick Road tomorrow.  I'll see you there.  I'm the one wearing the RED shoes.

Gail