I packed up all my clothes, books, visions and dreams, threw my suitcases in the car, left the retreat home of my friends, and headed toward the highway. In a couple of hours, I'd be home again. Pauly would be waiting. Life would be waiting. It was time to get back to my day-to-day walk with God. To step forth in the anointing, like God instructed me to!
I pulled into the gas station to fill up for the journey ahead and happened to glance at my cell. I couldn't believe it! Some old, treasured friends of mine just happened to be right here in Florida, on an unexpected vaca. In fact, with a minor detour, I could be having lunch with them within the hour. Done! I set my navigation and was off!
This particular couple is ever so precious to me. I've known them my entire Christian life. We have experienced the ups and downs of life, love and ministry together. They have always been there for me, in the mountains. -- and in the valleys of life. Although our paths had brought us in different directions, geographically, our long time friendship still stands strong. I couldn't wait to see them!
P O P !
Out came the air from the balloon. The bolting motion, from the sudden release of air, catapulted the object from my hands and I followed the shrinking rubbery material with my eyes as it swirled around in the air until it finally landed on the floor by my feet -- next to my RED shoes, of course -- completely deflated.
How could I strip myself naked, lay out my hopes and dreams in front of them and WOOSH! it went right over their heads? They missed it! No way! It's Impossible! Lord, What just happened?
I hopped back in my car with a smile on my face as if all was well. They slipped a check into my hand for $100 and in unison shouted, "Bless You, Gail!" But it wasn't so well... I wasn't so well! I was rather dazed and confused about the whole thing. Within minutes I was back on the highway, wiping away the tears as they ran down my face.
The afternoon visit started off wonderful. We had a delightful lunch, getting totally caught up on what has been transpiring in each of our lives. Eventually, we got to the subject of ministry. They themselves are still ministering for the Lord. God continues to use them mightily in their preaching and teaching conferences. Now they wanted to know... "What about you, Gail? What's happening with you?"
Joyfully I shared my heart, focusing on what God has been doing this entire year with The Red Shoe Project and the threshold I find myself at with ministry. I laid it all out before them and looked up, ready for them to pray one of those phenomenal prayers of glorious blessing on me before I left... but no, that's not what happened at all.
They didn't see things as I did at all. The little things were big to them, and the big things were small. Their perspective was entirely different. They didn't get the whole Red Shoe Project. Most of what I said didn't make sense to them. It was a total communication breakdown! How strange it all seemed -- and at the end, instead of a blessing, I got an unexpected analysis and critique of my divine destiny.
Okay... so before you start judging, let me say this... These are highly loved and respected Christian ministers who are powerfully used by God. There is great fruit in their lives and in their ministries. They are wonderful people, incredibly generous and solid when it comes to God's Word. Are they perfect? No - no one is. But they've go it going.
I tried to explain things clearly and precisely. It's always a challenge to take a year's worth of life and wrap it into fifteen minutes, but they weren't hearing all this for the first time either. They already knew, in general, where I was at. Here, I thought I'd done a really good job presenting what was happening in my life with the Lord... but somehow, I knew that we were not in the same ball park. So, I did what I thought was right.
I humbled myself.
There's no doubt in my mind who are the teachers and who is the student, here. They had all the goodies in their cart. They are wealthy in God's blessings. They are finishing off their life of ministry with an abundant basket of souls saved, lives changed and people influenced for the Kingdom of God. In fact, I'm a bi-product of their ministry!
In comparison, I'm just starting out in ministry for the second time. Sure, I have fruit in my basket. But they are driving one of those gigantic shopping carts that you find in places like Sam's Club, and I'm carrying one of those little hand baskets. Mine is overflowing ... but it's only about 1/10 the size of theirs! LOL.That's all I can say right now. I refuse to let this discourage me. On the other hand... What does it all mean, Lord? Am I missing something? Is this the downside of an Optimistic Perspective? Am I a mere dreamer whose head is in the clouds? With all that's just transpired, what do I keep and act upon, and what gets trashed, if anything? I'm giving it all to You, Lord!
For now, I shall go about my business. I will allow some time for the emotions, thoughts, and craziness that now fills my heart, to settle down. Soon, I'll be home. There are many things that are waiting for me to do. I will take care of what is at hand. And I will wait for the Lord to direct me on this matter.
Trusting in Him,
Gail
