Today is Day 205 of The Red Shoe Project. Once again, I am sporting my RED flip flops around town. Today has been a challenging day. It was a day of testing and I failed miserably.The good news is that I know where I stand on things... at the bottom with no place to go but up. There is plenty of room improvement!
The experts say that " F-A-I-L" stands for
First Attempt In Learning. Okay... I can live with that.
Back in my college days, some professors gave students the choice of what type of test they wanted to take. There was the True-False and Multiple Choice Test, or The Essay Test. Although it was, by no means, the popular choice, I always chose Essay.
The True/False and Multiple Choice tests always confused me. I could go into the test knowing everything forwards and backwards and still get question after question wrong. I would get caught up in the wording of the
questions and answers, so much so, that I didn't know what was actually being asked. I always felt like I was somehow being tricked. The test became more about what the question was really asking as opposed to what the answer was, plain and simple.
At least with the Essay version, I felt like I had a good chance at showing that I actually understood the material. I'd just write down everything I knew and I'd usually end up with an "A."
Lately I've noticed that all of God's tests have been "Non-Essay." Apparently, He just wants a "YES" or a "NO" answer. I hate those tests! It's like when an attorney is questioning someone and they say... "Just answer the question... Yes? or No?" They don't want any explanation. Maybe God doesn't want any excuses? Maybe He just wants to know if I'll do what He asks or not... No dissertation is necessary. Ouch!
A couple weeks ago, I was at the Bonfire Bible study. At the end of the meeting, a couple of the women were laying hands on people and praying for them. One by one, people were falling out under the power of God. Later that afternoon, I remember asking God if He could give me that kind of prayer power. He said... "Then what would that person do? or that one... what would they do?" He was basically reminding me that He distributes gifts to everyone.
It's not about me having all the gifts
and doing everything myself.
It's about everyone in the body
being a part of what He's doing.
Today I was thinking about a woman I know that has a specific need. Her need is definitely not my area of ministry. I've been trying to help her find the proper resources for her need and move her in that direction for assistance. Unfortunately, even those who are well equipped to minister in that area can't seem to help her. She's one of those people that seems to be slipping through the cracks.
I was brought up in a church that always taught that you should never expect others to do what you, yourself wouldn't do. It's always good to see oneself as part of the solution. So in my frustration of realizing that no one is helping this woman, I had to ask myself, "Would I lend a helping hand? Could I meet her needs? " I so much wanted to answer "YES!" but it was so far out of my comfort zone... so great an inconvenience... so not something I was really equipped to do. I couldn't say it!
I hate not saying "YES" to God!
My heart's desire is to always say
"YES" to Him, no matter what.
I ended up a bit on the "down" side... so I took a late afternoon walk to talk it out with Dad. He reminded me of the story in the Bible when a father asks his two sons to do something... one says he will and doesn't do it. The other hems and haws, says he won't, but does. Long story, short, the father favored the one who did it, regardless. 
God spoke some other things to me on that walk. He pointed out all the things that I'm doing right these days. He was glad that I decided to walk and talk with Him instead of taking off in another direction and avoiding any conversation with Him. He doesn't mind that I wrestle things out with Him. But sometimes, like today, He tells me to lighten up a little and not be so hard on myself. I know that when God wants to do something, He'll provide the grace necessary. He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. I may have failed today's test, but that's okay. I'm realizing I'm not in kindergarden anymore. Today's test was more like The Bar Exam. LOL. Next time, I'll do better. Slowly, but surely I will be a "YES" girl in RED shoes!
Right now, I'm taking a little study break and chilling out.
Gail
P.S. Growing up, my natural dad never pushed me in my studies.
I was always a straight A student, and it was never because my dad
enforced that with a heavy hand. My heavenly Father is much the same.
He never demands perfection of me.
(We all know that I'm not perfect, and I never will be. I'm okay with that.)
I just want to be the best Gail I can be for God. I want to give it all I've got!
