The other day, a friend of mine was talking about a sheep being caught in the thicket. She mentioned that sometimes the shepherd will purposely leave the sheep alone for a few days to allow it to tire itself out. He does that so the sheep wont be freaking out upon its removal from the thorns. If that happens, the sheep could rip itself to shreds upon rescue. When the shepherd does return, he gently removes the tired animal from the bramble and carries him home on his shoulders.
I'm thinking that today is the day
that I finally gave up fighting --
holding onto my life, as it is,
so that I might actually receive
what Christ has in store for me.
This is a good thing! But seriously... Day 202? Has it really taken me 202 days of wearing RED shoes to stop being so hard-headed with God... so stubborn, unmoldable, unteachable and insistent on keeping a tight hold on things that don't really belong in my life? Things like:
Mindsets, Ideas, Plans, Perspectives, Routines, Goals and Endeavors?
It's always a little crazy having someone "crack" you. But when they do... Woolah! everything literally pops into place. It's a wonderful thing!
The key, however, is that
you have to be relaxed.
If you are tight and tense, nothing is going to slide back into place. It's going to stay right where it is... jammed in a position that it doesn't belong in. That's why there's so much pain and discomfort.
Sometimes something can be out of place for so long that I just get used to it.
I put up with it, maneuver around it and figure out how to compensate for it. Then I just kind of forget about it. I guess I just pretend it's not there and look through it. Then one day, someone comes along and says, "What's that?"
I respond, "What?" And they say... "That! What's that big thing doing here?"
I squint my eyes and tilt my head.
"You mean that?" I ask.
"Yeah... that! What's it
doing here?"
I respond..."I don't know.
It's always been here.
It doesn't budge!
We're stuck with it."
Next thing you know that person walks over, picks it up and carries it off to the dumpster. "There... it's gone now," he says, "Let's get to work!"
That person is God.
Okay, so how come I couldn't do that? I thought for sure that I had I tried to move that thing many times and... nothing! I could never seem to get it to move.
When I talked to God about it, He pointed out that as powerful as those feelings I had were, they were all tucked within my heart... a place that others couldn't see. "Well, I'm just not an overly emotional person," I thought. "I'm reserved. I've always been that way. That's just who I am."
"No." said the Lord.
"You've learned to be that way."
When I was a very young girl, I was molested. With that said, I learned, at a young age, to keep a secret. I learned to keep things like emotions tucked away. That was a long time ago, but as life went on, I guess I continued to keep things tucked away, not even realizing it.
It was a blind spot for me.
A Blind Spot is something that's hidden from your line of vision. It's there but you just can't see it.
God's words to me meant I could change. I remember bowing my head that day, with tears streaming down my cheeks and saying...
"Alright, God. You're going to have to help me with this.
Help me open my heart so that what's inside shows on the outside as well."
For the first time, I relaxed and let him pop things back into place. He gently applied pressure here and there and things began to shift. I kept coming back to Him for adjustments, until I was consistently responding the way I was always meant to.
I'm wearing RED shoes, listening to the heartbeat of my Savior and trusting that He knows what He's doing.
Okay God, I'm all yours!
Gail
