I didn't like the way I was feeling.
I remembered my friend Kami's perspective of the enemy in the corner proclaiming, "Oh no! She's awake! Let's get her before she even gets going!"
With that in mind, I took authority and gave the enemy an earful right off the bat.
"Get out!" I demanded from my pillow. "You're not welcome here. No tresspassing! In Jesus' Name... O-U-T!"
I quickly got dressed and headed out the door to bring Pauly for a walk. It was a delightful morning, but even still, I was uncomfortable. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. "What is this?" I thought. I called my friend, hoping we could meet. Nope! Not an option. I remembered a study I did recently on encouraging oneself in the Lord. I guess it was going to be one of those days. But then I remembered a key point from that study:
God often uses those times
to get me alone with Him,
one-on-one.
My walk with Pauly had just about come to an end. Usually he's eager to get back into the house and get some water to drink, but today he was stuck on one particular spot of grass, sniffing. Okay... I understand that dogs love to sniff. It's a dog-thing. I can respect that. But it seemed we were in one little spot a long, long time and I was getting restless. Just then something caught my eye. What was it? It looked like a caterpillar of sorts.
I looked at this big plot of land, made up of thousands upon thousands of blades of grass. There, on one little strand, crawled a fuzzy little caterpillar. It was bizarre. I even turned my head a few times in the other direction to tend to Pauly, and when I turned back, there he was, still crawling on that one blade of grass. What was so important that my eyes kept coming back and focussing on this little guy? I couldn't believe that I kept finding him. It was as if there was a magnifying glass right over him that made him boldly stand out.
That's when I remembered a presentation that my friend Tammy and I did a year ago on TRANSFORMATION. I spoke to a group of business professionals about the process we go through in moving to that next level of success. Tammy did a scientific teaching on how a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. Now that I think of it, that's where I met my friend Bonnie. Tammy invited her to paint while she spoke. Bonnie painted the most beautiful pic of a monarch butterfly!
In summarizing the transformational experience, I talked about how the butterfly can't continue to wear it's caterpillar coat because there's no slats for its wings. Tammy said it would be like wearing a pair of spanx that were two sizes too small. UNCOMFORTABLE is putting it mildly. LOL!
As I perused over that thought in my mind, God confirmed that I was in a season of transformation and that would feel funny, maybe awkward, and certainly uncomfortable at times.
Then He whispered to me that
today should be a time of
seeking Him more deeply.
Before I got involved with anything, I was to spend time truly worshipping Him, seeking His face, looking to get into His presence. Since I had absolutely nothing on my agenda, I could do that!
Once in the house, I got things situated so as to reduce opportunities for distraction. I sat myself down in the living room, popped in some ear buds, pressed on some worship music and turned my heart and focus towards God.
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the words of each song. After awhile, I made the words of the songs personal. As I sang them, I wasn't singing a mere song anymore. I was singing the words directly to God. My heart was all in, backing up ever word that proceeded from my mouth. Then that song, "Hosanna" came on. There was something in the middle of that song -- a phrase -- that broke open an access door to God's presence. Hallelujah! There I was, standing before God, worshipping beyond measure, lost in the glory! I did a little dancing. I did a little shouting of praise! I waved my hands in the air. It was a wonderful morning.
My daughter came home and fixed lunch. She asked me to join her so I did. We cleaned up afterwards and she was out the door, once again, off to the gym to work out. I thought about throwing on some gym clothes and working out myself, but no... something inside me beckoned me to worship some more. More? I'd already spent a few hours worshipping Him. Even so, maybe I wouldn't work out today. I could do that another time.
I sat down by my computer, turned on some worship music and started in on some Bible research. It wasn't long before that music created a tugging on my heart that was almost unbearable... so I stopped what I was doing. I turned up the music, closed my eyes and entered in. Almost instantaneously I was swept away. The Holy Spirit took over. I found myself praying in the Spirit. I slipped down off my chair and onto my knees. I cried. I groaned. I bowed down before the Lord. It got a little intense there for a while. I thought I might give spiritual birth to something right there and then. WOW!
That's okay because your time will come when He has something just for you. We all have a time. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says...
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity
under the heavens..."
So just how did I get there? Here's some thoughts:
- I removed the distractions.
- I wasn't on a time clock.
- I pressed in and waited.
- I threw my heart into it.
- When I got there, I let go.
- And when it was over, I came back for more.
I've put the trash out for the trash collection in the morning.
I've even finished my blog early.
I think -- just for the fun of it -- I will
play those songs one more time.
Just a little more, Lord?
What harm is there in that?
Maybe there an encore waiting for me.
Gail
