Day 161 of The Red Shoe Project is a reminder that: Some doors are not meant to be opened!
"Dying to self"
makes no room for
"feeling sorry for self."
My flesh was screaming out... "Doesn't this count for anything?" I don't think anyone could hear that cry, but me. And I should have been selective in my hearing and ignored the whole darn conversation. The goal is to rid myself of that ugly flesh, not feel bad for it's death.
Yes... I made a mistake. I might as well put it right up front and out in the open. After listening a bit too long to that wining spirit, I made the mistake of chatting with a friend. "Oh... I'm not feeling so good about how I'm looking these days!" I said. NO! There it was... delivered right to her door:
An invitation for a pity party.
Right as the words were coming off my lips, I realized what I'd done. Did you ever want to reach out and grab the words before they reached the receiver's ears? Too late! The receiver immediately jumped on my case. "Well... you know, if you'd just get a real job, you'd have money to take care of yourself... you'd be in the gym, you'd be at the beauty parlor, you'd be out shopping for more fashionable clothes, bags and shoes... you could even, maybe, afford to get a little work done, (she was referring to cosmetic surgery). Your first impression is important. Image counts!"
Oh my gosh... what had I done? I was just hoping for a hug and a prayer... not an onslaught of negativity, all dished out just for me. Evidently I had chosen the wrong person to vent with. Truth is, I didn't even want to vent. I'm not sure what I wanted, but this wasn't it! It was like those overgrown vines in my back yard. They were reaching to grab a hold of me and take me down... take claim of me and my life! Yikes!
Fortunately, I was able to quickly proclaim that I was just having a "moment" of weakness, and somehow I managed to change the conversation without any push back. Ahhhhhhhhh. Saved!
Today while taking a long walk in my RED sneakers, the Lord talked to me about that. Dying to self is a painful process.
It's supposed to be that way. It's not fun. It's not funny. It's not happy. It doesn't feel good. It's painful! You're mourning the death of your flesh!
I remembered that old saying,
"No pain, No gain!"
(I thought that was only for diets and exercise.)
Here's what John the Baptist said:
"He must become greater.
I must become less."
John 3:30
A good friend describes it this way:
"Just Surrender!"
In this case, "Surrender" means
to give up and let go of My way
and embrace His way.
Sounds so easy. It's not!
But I'm motivated! You know why? Because God told me that if I'd just die to self, He'd send a lot more opportunities for salvation my way. He wants to use me to lead others to Him! ...but I'm in the way. Yeah, that's not good. I'm going to have to work on that. We're going to have to work on that!More of Him, Less of Me!
In time, I'll get this.
Gail
