Last night was a late night writing. I didn't get to bed til 3:30. My alarm was buzzing a few hours later, as I jumped into my black corporate suit and RED shoes, and headed out the door at 7:15 for a hospital board meeting. Yikes!
That's a little early for me these days, but I was wide awake and listened to a CD on Kingdom Giving that was powerfully eye-opening! For some time
now, God has been doing a deep work in me regarding "M O N E Y"
That's an all-inclusive term that umbrellas finances, spending, investing, philanthropy, generosity, funding, living by faith, and overall giving. He's showing me His Way vs. My Way. I'll just say this... The two are quite different.
I find the whole thing very interesting, but it's like a big piece of choice steak. It's taking me some time to chew it, savor it, and digest it, if you know what I mean.
I don't overly enjoy driving, however, long, quiet rides in the car is a frequent meeting place for me with God... and well, I love that!
After several meetings and appointments, I headed home and made a quick stop at my favorite little bookstore, just to see if they had any "treasures." Yup... I picked myself up powerful book entitled, Prayer on Fire by Fred A. Hartley III. Just a little treat for me. I was really tired and looked forward to getting home, throwing on some sweats and curling up on my bed with this book. I decided last minute to pop on the headphones and listen to some worship music as well. What a glorious afternoon in His Presence. The hours flew by... five of them to be exact. I rested and God restored me on many levels. We had lovely afternoon together.
The FIRE of God is quite an interesting subject for study. I have found it to be a significant piece of what's turning out to be an unexpected, intimate romance with The King. I say that ever so humbly, because what started out to be a mere "project" of sorts has projected me into a divine dimension of grace that I never knew existed. It's so deep... so personal... It's rather difficult to put into words, let alone write about it in a blog. But I have committed to write an honest, daily report of this Red Shoe Project and it would be wrong to omit it entirely.
You see, it is an awesome thing to find yourself continually in The Presence of God, but it comes with a price. The Lord is a Consuming Fire. The closer you get... He'll slowly burn away everything that's unholy. You think...
"Great! That's a good thing. If He asks me about this, or about that... or even about that thing... I've got all those taken care of now. My life is in order." But no... He doesn't ask about any of those things.
Instead, when you're in deep... in that secret place you grow to love so much... He ever so gently zeros right in on THAT THING. The thing you totally forgot about. The thing you didn't think was A THING. The thing that you locked away in the deepest place of your heart, knowing it would never, ever re-surface again. Yeh... that thing. He brings you right to it. Could He really require THAT of me? Oh... so that's what it felt like when He asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. THAT thing is My Isaac... and He's asking me to sacrifice it. Really? Woe!!!!! That's heavy duty!
Almost every morning I wake up to that big sign on my wall that says:
"B E L I E V E !"
The Lord continually asks me... "Will you BELIEVE?" And I always respond, "Of course... I will BELIEVE you for anything!" But now, three months into this project, He's saying...
"Will you BELIEVE me for THAT?
Will you trust me?"
Isn't there another deal we can make? Why does it have to be THAT? Can't You test me on all those other things that I have in order first? And then, maybe later on... in a few months or so, come back to THAT?
How can I even contemplate saying, "No... I can't' BELIEVE you for THAT!" I'm already so far beyond the point of no return. "No" isn't an option any more. And I refuse say it! I won't! I can't! It's going to have to be...
"Yes Lord... I will trust you.
I choose to Believe.
Just help my unbelief."
Please don't think for a moment that this is easy, because it's not. It's a difficult price to pay. Your heart says, "YES. YES." Your flesh says, "NO. NO."
I wrote a book once. It's called The Yellow Brick Road: A Woman's Journey to the Edge and Back. It's about almost falling off the edge and miraculously, by the Grace of God, making it back. This Red Shoe Project is a new story about going to the edge... a different edge... and jumping into the Ocean of Glory. There's no fear. And there's no coming back. You don't want to come back.
Does the Lord require this of everyone? I don't know. I only know what He's requiring of me. And I choose YES! I get to wear my RED shoes. And I get to rest my head on the chest of God, where I can hear the beat of His heart. I long to go even deeper... to feel what He feels... to see what He sees... to love what He loves. Yeh... I do know what I'm asking, and I can't believe that I'm asking it. But that's what lies beyond the Ocean of Glory.
So that was my day. Heavy duty, but gloriously awesome! It's back to The Yellow Brick Road tomorrow. I'll see you there. I'm the one wearing the RED shoes.
Gail
