Day 89 of The Red Shoe project found me in RED shoes and continuing to ponder the question:
"But Do You Know God?"
Like many of you, I smile from ear to ear... " as I think of the goodness of Jesus and all He has done for me. My very heart cries out "Hallelujah!" Praise God for saving me!"
Of course I know God. I read the Bible continuously and am more than aware of His Story. On many occasions I have seen "The Passion of the Christ" and understand the price He paid for me. I've said "The Prayer" and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. I've been redeemed! I'm born-again. My name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life! I pray daily... not to mention that I've given my life to serve Him and the passion of my heart is to help others make that Divine Connection as well!
"But Do I Know God?"
That question keeps going through my mind. It sounds so simple, yet it's proving itself to be quite profound. What! Why is it that I can't seem to let go of this? My spirit has become entangled, forcing me to pick it apart, separate the knots, and get to the heart of the matter.
I find myself distraught that I can't seem to shed the fact that more often than not my prayer time has become a "Honey Do List." "Jesus, provide for this." "Jesus, provide for that." "Refresh me, oh Lord!" "Pour your Spirit out upon me!" "Cleanse me from sin." "Guide me this day." "Show me the way." "Heal me of this ailment." "Help me oh God!" "Lord, I want more!"
Yes, there are times of thanksgiving and praise. And I know that God loves to help me. But I'm grieved that my time in prayer is so much about ME, and so little about Him. I never really took notice of it before, but I don't give Him much of a chance to speak. I rarely ask, "What do you think?" "What would you like to do today?" "What's on your mind?" Come to think of it... I don't even let Him lead the prayer time. There's something not quite right about that!
To "linger" means to stay in a place longer than necessary,
typically because of reluctance to leave.
To be slow to disappear.
I think I need to "linger" more. I'm starting to think that all those people dancing at the altar are much more on track than I have given them credit for. After all, there they are, (before the service even starts, and well after it's over), hands lifted up, praising God, waving their arms, dancing in joy before the Lord. No real agenda. Just spending time in His presence, having fun, and telling Him how much they love him.
I have this picture stuck in my mind. The King is holding a celebration. The pharisees of the day have come and presented a perfect program... structured, but nice all the same, and left. Meanwhile everyone else continues to enjoy the party. Some are sitting, while others are singing, dancing, and giving glory to His Majesty on High. The King is smiling and totally enjoying their presence. In fact, He gets up and moves amongst them... touching this one, whispering in the ear of that one, hugging another, talking one-on-one with many and even presenting some with gifts. So where am I in all this? Am I one of the last to leave? or have I taken off early with the others? Just a thought. The choice is mine.
What's really strange is that the ones who left early... well, they look so important. They are so very serious, and as I look closer, they seem somewhat withered and dry, some even joyless. Perhaps they are the Marthas of the court? The ones who do, do, do, and miss out on a deeper experience with Him.
Well I don't want to be a Martha! I want to be a Mary. I want to sit at His feet and get to know Him. I want to know what He thinks. I want to understand His heart. I want to enjoy His presence. Not because I've read about Him, but because I've been with Him... because I stuck around long enough and consistently enough for Him to speak to me.
As I head back home, this girl in RED shoes, has a new perspective on things. It's a new season... one of relinquishing the lead to whom it rightfully belongs, and of focusing on listening, lingering and maybe even laughing a little.
That I Might Know God,
Gail
